Most of us have moments where we look at our lives and think that I should be doing better than this. I should be more confident, more successful, more organised, more… something. Yet, even when we are trying our best, a quiet voice in the background says, “You are not enough…”

If you recognise this feeling, then you’re not alone. In my work, I see people from every walk of life, from young professionals to those who have retired, all who carry that same sense of underlying inadequacy. It isn’t a flaw in who you are. It’s a pattern in how the mind learns to talk to itself.

There isn’t a single reason as to why we feel like this, I would suggest that there are a number of reasons which is why it is tough to overcome, like its mulitplied…

1. Early messages that stick

Sometimes we grow up hearing subtle (or not so subtle) hints that we should be perfect, not make mistakes, or always be the “good one”. Those beliefs don’t disappear just because we’ve become adults. Instead, they show up as pressure, self-criticism, and a constant feeling of being measured. Sometimes this can become a driving force, but when it shows as too much, then it can be detrimental to us.

2. Comparison culture

Whether it’s (increasingly becoming) social media or what we imagine others are doing, comparison has become a daily habit for most people. We don’t compare fairly either—we hold ourselves against the polished version of someone else’s life. No wonder we feel behind.

3. High personal standards

People who feel “not enough” are often the ones who care the most. They want to contribute, they want to do well, and they want to make others proud. The downside? High standards can quietly shift into impossible expectations.

4. Old protective habits

The mind learns patterns that once kept us safe. If self-criticism helped you avoid judgment in the past, or made you work harder, your brain holds onto it. A habit that once served you can become a barrier later in life.

The Gardener

A gardener spent hours every day tending a patch of land. He watered the garden carefully, pulled every weed, and checked each plant for signs of trouble. When visitors walked by, they always complimented the garden’s beauty.

The gardener only ever saw the gaps though between the plants.
or he saw a leaf with a tiny tear.
Or a flower that flowered late.
and a patch of soil that looked slightly uneven.

“It’s not good enough…” he would say.

One day, a gentleman saw him looking at the garden and so he approached him.
“Why do you look at your garden this way?”

“…because it could always be better,” the young man replied “I see everything bad and wrong in the garden.”

The gentleman nodded, “okay, but I think that you aren’t looking at the garden in it’s entirety. You’re not seeing nature…”

He added gently, “A garden is meant to be lived in, not inspected, we are here to learn and sometimes the imperfections are the things we love the most…”

The gardener paused, looked out across the colours, the scents, the life he had created. He paused and realised, he simply saw the beauty and what was there.

It was enough.

We are constantly scanning for flaws instead of appreciating who we already are. When you stop inspecting and start seeing, the whole picture changes.

How to Feel Good Enough

Feeling “not enough” is not a life sentence. It’s a thought pattern, or a habit, one that can be unlearned, reshaped, and replaced with something kinder and far more accurate. You are not behind. You are not failing. You are not lacking.

You are simply learning to see your garden clearly…

If you’d like help exploring where these patterns come from and how to shift them, a conversation is always a good place to start. A consultation can be booked here.

Read about feeling proud of yourself here.

More about self-esteem and confidence can be found here.