This will be a longer Blog than normal but please hang on and get to the end.

I often talk with clients about the ripple effect, although many do not realise that is what we are exploring. My clients sometimes come feeling overwhelmed, reactive, exhausted, or overly affected by other people’s moods, demands, or behaviour. What they are really describing is life lived in the path of unexamined ripples, their own and everyone else’s.

The ripple effect is simple to understand. A single action, word, or reaction creates movement beyond the moment it occurs. Like a stone dropped into water, the initial splash is rarely the problem. It is the waves that follow, that is how they spread into relationships, decisions, confidence, and self-belief that matters the most.

What I’ve learned, both personally and professionally, is that the most powerful place to work with the ripple effect is at the point of reaction. Not after things have escalated. Not once you have reacted, but in the brief space between stimulus and response. That pause, however small, is where choice lives.

What is a Ripple?

“A ripple effect occurs when an initial disturbance to a system propagates outward to disturb an increasingly larger portion of the system, like ripples expanding across the water when an object is dropped into it.“

In short, in social theory, one person’s decision, i.e. driving to work later than usual, can have an effect on everyone else on that journey, positively and negatively…

Again, turning to social interactions, most negative ripples are not created by bad intentions. They are created by unregulated emotion. Stress, fear, frustration, or old patterns take over and we react quickly, often defensively. Reactions may feel justified in the moment, but its effects travel. e.g. a harsh comment creates tension. A withdrawn silence creates distance. A rushed decision creates consequences that need repairing later.

Learning to regulate emotion first changes everything. When we slow the breath, ground the body, and name what we are feeling, the intensity of the ripple reduces. The response becomes clearer. Calmer. More proportionate. This does not mean becoming passive or suppressing emotion. It means choosing how it is expressed.

Another important shift is learning to separate what belongs to us from what does not. Many people absorb the emotional states of others without realising it. Someone else’s anxiety, anger, or disappointment becomes internalised, as if it were a personal failure. This magnifies the ripple unnecessarily. When we understand that we are responsible for our responses—but not for managing other people’s emotions—the impact softens.

Positive ripples work in exactly the same way, though they are often underestimated. A calm response during conflict. A clear boundary stated kindly. A moment of genuine listening. These are small acts, but they stabilise systems. Over time, people adjust to the tone we set. Relationships feel safer. Communication improves. Life becomes less reactive and more intentional.

One of the most useful questions I encourage clients to ask is: “If this response spreads outward, what will it create?” Thinking one step beyond the moment helps us act with foresight rather than impulse. This is how we get ahead of the ripple effect, not by controlling everything, but by guiding our part in it.

Why do I Fail at Everything?

Of course, most ripples can not be prevented. Life involves discomfort, difference, and emotion. The aim therefore is not perfection, it is awareness. When we accept that some reactions from others are inevitable, we stop over-functioning and trying to fix everything. That, in itself, creates a calmer field around us. Often, when we do not achieve what we set out to we get that feeling, the why do I fail at everything feeling. When you realise that sometimes we have no choice on events, that feeling vanishes… We turn to learning from the moment instead!

Ultimately, the ripple effect reminds us that influence does not come from force or volume. It comes from consistency, from regulation, from small repeated choices made consciously. When we change how we respond, we change what spreads from us, and that quietly changes far more than we expect.

“Sarah” (name changed) sought support after what felt like a breakdown in her long-term relationship. There was no single incident, she couldn’t understand what was happening… The feeling of ongoing stress at first quietly spread into everyday interactions. When workplace pressures left her emotionally tense, and small issues at home began to escalate things became worse. She became emotionally withdrawn and feelings of being unloved, unwanted, alone, confusion and fear became normal for her.

Quick reactions, defensiveness, and withdrawal had created distance. Her partner equally responded by pulling back and seeking to protect themselves too which further increased Sarah’s stress and self-doubt. Over time, this cycle affected communication, trust, and emotional connection; “Why do I fail at everything?” was said in the session…

We began to understand those ripples that effected her work and her life. Pressure at work, from parents and friends all impacted her but then when her partner began to withdraw too it felt like the end. However, by letting go of stresses, learning to regulate stress at the point of reaction and separate what was hers from what was not, Learning to control what she could and recognise the ripples from others, Sarah changed the direction of her life. As her responses softened, the relationship began to stabilised. This shows how small changes at the source can restore connection.

What Should I do Now?

If you find yourself feeling overly affected by other people, caught in reactive cycles, or struggling to maintain emotional balance, hypnotherapy and coaching can help you regain control at the point of choice.

You don’t need to stop the ripples, just learn how to shape them.

Book a session with me here to begin that shift.